If xanga were “super classy” it would be wordpress

Actually, this is not the layout described as “super classy.” I really kind of wanted the super classy layout because, one time, Kirsten strolled up to me wearing a leopard print cape thing and waving one of those damned feathery pens at me, set her Victoria’s Secret PINK stuffed doggie onto the common table and said “I wish you’d color your hair. I want to look classy for the tournament.” [Editor's note: No independent verification of this anecdote can be found; it holds apocryphal standing only. However, it is quite true that a woman who once dressed in head to toe magenta for a POLICY DEBATE TOURNAMENT has been heard to acclaim or disparage items based on their "classiness."] But anyway, I bypassed “super classy” in favor of “super vague-hipster.” I’d like to pretend it’s an ironic choice, but alas, I coveted the frilly header for reals.

 I mostly like to read blogs because I got sort of ridiculous with xanga. I’m pretty sure I made the decision to end a significant relationship based solely on comments to xanga entries analysing the merits of the choice.  I’ve also declared my love on secret blogs, and been sad when that love was not virtually returned.  Now, however, I think I’ve settled on the exact fake-casual tone I need to pretend to myself and my one reader that I am soo far above those days of wistful cyberyearning.

 I don’t actually just want one reader. But I can’t say I have a theme for this blog, and a theme is necessary to maintain an audience. It’s hard to keep the world caring about my personal expoits and inner so-secret torments. All my activities are terribly puerile, though, and I have it on good authority that my mind is deteriorated, so I can’t really say that my niche market is going to be recapping Tolstoy in the original Russian. I’m thinking trashy romance novels is more my scene.

Possible niche markets to tap with my not-quite-classy theme:

1. trashy romance novels. I think I could bring a unique perspective to such recaps, comparing the side by side of what I previously knew about sex and what I know now, and how the meaning of “he sheathed his sword in her lily” has changed since I was 13, lurking in the library stacks and concealing the “book” with Tolstoy in the original Russian in case my sister popped out from behind a stack.

2. a totally honest review of my daily puerility: this could get old. I mean how much “craiglist today lacks the piquancy of earlier experiences and seems wholly devoted to week-by-week leasings instead of the critical mass amount of summer rentals that my soul craves” can anyone read? Also right now I’m watching a tv show and I don’t even know what it is, but two women are both named Linda and they scream in unison a lot. Not recommended.

Actually those are both of my ideas. Please, tell me more. Also, I hear that of my one reader (Hulga) and one potential reader (Erin), I have already accidentally stolen Erin’s theme, effectively alienating 50% of the audience and putting the other 50% in an awkward position since she inevitably has to answer “who wore it better” style questions. I knew I should have stuck with super classy! How bout we have a dance-off for it, Erin.