I’ve had the Decemberists in my mind since Monday, just fragments of various songs. I don’t even think I love the Decemberists, exactly; it’s just that they are so insistent that once heard it’s weeks before I can shake them off.
Tomorrow is work. This will be weird. But not as weird as me driving, which I can’t even conceive most of the time while I’m doing it. About four times the weirdness of it has struck me, and I suddenly was afraid of how fast I was going because the car felt like some sort of trap hurtling towards doom and I felt powerless to control my path. I’m mostly getting better though. At first Adam’s go-to insult was “you drive like Bea Arthur!” and now he’s moved on, sort of.
Work is scary scary though. Tonight was the “welcome dinner” which actually wasn’t that bad. There were boring, dreadful 1Ls there who probably have stellar grades because you really don’t get firm jobs as 1Ls otherwise. And then, after we escaped the bores, I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why, exactly, I took a massive dislike to one of the lawyers’ wives. She was just…not right. A discordant person without actually being offensive or even noticeably boring. She said things like “I have so many ISSUES with airports. People are like, why is flying such an ISSUE for you? I always ask, Do you think THIS [gesturing to, yes, decently made up face, and yes, she's blond] can fit into 3 ounce bottles?” I think I resented her because her last name was Wand. I want that name. I would be a charming Wand.
Other than that, people were not as scary as I assume they are. The BYU (well, and then Columbia Law, so it’s as fair to call her “the BYU woman” as it is to call me “the Liberty woman”) — anyway, the hiring partner who was at the dinner (that I suspect secured me the position) has, I think, decided that Adam and I are her clique for these events. She’s all like, Let’s sit together! I love the back far corner too! (So, naturally, I was thrilled.) I told her stories of smuggling booze into school via fast food cups and coffee mugs and she declared that we must have been much cleverer at Liberty than she was at BYU. We happily bashed the sorts of brownnosers and gunners who LOVE social events like this; and she said that she, like me, just wants to do her work and avoid politiking. I think it’s going to suck so much to have to be all legit and stuff for another firm, if I have to.
Am I going to be in that horrible hypothetical, where I have a job offer from a place I really, truly like, I mean like TREMENDOUSLY, and then I will have to choose whether Adam’s enough to justify turning it down? The timeline isn’t quite as constricting as all that — that is, I’ll have time to check other places out and time to see if there are external money/emotional reasons not to move — but I just really have this fear since, if it does come to a choice along these lines, I’m going to be in agony. Be the silly goose woman or have the secret fear that I foreclosed Important Love.
Oh my god, you are so freaking melodramatic. Forclose “Important Love.” Is this a harlequin? He can move. He can come visit you. You have time to make the decision. Why, if you find a place you love, love, love, in a city that he loves, why would you move?
I hate to be the bitter rain on the parade but it’s so silly to think about that kind of stuff before you really have to anyhow. I went through that when I was dating James (better known to others as the academic who wished he was a tortured artist and was incredibly depressed and emo) and I built up this whole deal about moving with him and then it turned out he was a douchebag anyway. So you never know.
Although, for your sake, I hope he does not turn out to be an insane douchebag.
I was mocking the concept with my capitals, Melissa!! I think this might be sorta like that time you im’d “I only buy product red these days.”
Pretend all you want that the capital letters are in mockery, but I know that your mockery in this instance has more to do with trying to hide the fear you have that is for real. I’m calling bullshit on your clarification.
Wand is far too phallic a last name for you ever to take.