So finally the last semester is here – seven years of school almost done, which sounds so long and complete at the same time – a complete illusion, since all that time has left me with the deep-laid suspicion that people have been wasting my time bullshitting me for something like 6 years of that time, and therefore I am woefully underprepared for the pretense of professionalism I’ll have to adopt soon.
My internet collapsed in patents today while the teacher was reading through the syllabus (who DOES that in law school??) and I started thinking of all the classes I’ve been in that I either a)remember zero about and am always startled to see them on my syllabus b)HATED c)took because the school made me. I stopped thinking about it almost immediately because the list was so dismal. There’s like one year in all my education that I actually was able to do what I wanted, and even that was polluted by the stupid honors thesis requirement. Clearly I should have gone to Brown and written my own degree.
As for the non-school aspects of this last semester, there’s a bit more of a dismal feeling to everything, I think. “Being lonely is a habit, just like smoking or drugs” – I’ve put it back on and slipped into the suspended feeling that characterized last semester. I feel incredible ennui, which always happens after I visit Adam, but this time it’s almost as bad as the first few weeks of the fall semester – I mean, I haven’t washed my hair in four days or unpacked my suitcase or really done anything except eat lots of cheese and take inconveniently timed naps. The most active thing I did today was fill the bathtub with an inch of water to make the cat stop pooping in it (however, that did require great sneakiness of mind, as well as the courage to trust that she won’t start shitting directly on the floor now, so I’m counting it as an accomplishment).
